10 Reasons Why You Should Eat Your Cat

as inspired by The Economist, January 2009
based on my cat, Byron.

Reason #1: He’s an asshole.

Reason #2: He likes fish and ultimately that’s bad for greenhouse gases.
He’s ruining the planet.

Reason #3: If he could, he’d probably eat pig every day.
Pig farts are disastrous to the Ozone layer.
He’s totally ruining the planet.

Reason #4: YOU won’t be eating fish OR pig by eating him.

Reason #5: You can make your own clothes.
Don’t support sweatshop labor!

Reason #6: Why else have you been fattening him up with cat food?

Reason #7: It would be funny and terrible. Terribly funny!

Reason #8: If you scalp him, you’ll have an amazing hat with pointy kitty ears.

Reason #9: He’s plotting to kill you, you’ve gotta nip this in the bud.

Reason #10: Imagine all the wonderful hipster art you can create with cat bones.